It's my couch and I'll cry if I want to!

Used to be that I dealt with emotional upheaval by eating the whole enchilada - or cake, which ever was the easiest to get my mouth on! Then I matured, took deep breaths and ran 5 or so miles. Not sure if I'm regressing, the knees are giving out or I'm "unmaturing" but this time I ate the whole cake (well, not quite true - I shared with grand sons but we did stand around the counter and stab at it with forks) and I moved furniture. Very satisfying and the house looks great.

I've had a battle with this house for the two years we've been together. It wasn't until December last year that I came close to finishing unpacking and did the first of the shifting around of furniture. This past week, dealing with the distinct possibility that the chances for a long distance relationship working out are poor to nil, I've been tossing negative thoughts around along with the furniture! In reality I had to call in reinforcements to get the furniture on the move. I'm drawn to stuff that is heavy - in the furniture area of my life that is - trying to lighten the load in other areas. A friend suggested Craigs List as a source for sturdy moving men and I came up with a winner. $35, two men and an hour. Some nail biting and "oops" but the result is terrific. Opened up the space; now a couch about which I was ambivalent and sculpture that was hidden behind that couch - all shine. And I've re-claimed a dining area. All goes to show that we are ruled by the heart - or as my friend put it succinctly "a woman p***** off can move mountains".

All I know is that a healthy dose of righteous indignation tempered by a chorus of "what a fool am I" plus a huge chunk of regret for something with enormous potential to be slipping away and I have a spiffy office with files not piles and I can actually see the surface of my desk again - hey, give me credit, you can see the floor too. I celebrated my new found space by inviting friends over for dinner Saturday night and Chris assured me that I had the Feng Shui right this time. Hope so. Horsefish in the entrance to my study is an Indonesian figure representing good thoughts - he's wearing a sun hat because it's summer in AZ! and in the old space, hat was on the floor!

I remember a divorce attorney years ago telling me that he could write a book on major changes to a house as an indicator of trouble in a marriage. He claimed that women unhappy in a relationship set about changing the "nest" trying to re-invent, revitalise the home space as a metaphor for changing the relationship. Not sure how much credence I'd give that given the popularity of home improvement shows these days and, a slowing down of the divorce rate but I do know that I tend to procrastinate when something is wrong and try to change the packaging rather than the content. Lost cause, I know - slow learner sometimes. This time though, instead of hanging around desperate for the phone to ring or an e mail to pop up I took charge of myself and initiated the call that said, "the way things are, this isn't working. If you figure out your side of the why not, I'll figure out mine and we can compare notes." Years ago I would have bitten my nails to the quick and blamed myself - made myself helpless. Now I move furniture- power!

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