Thursday, December 18, 2008


Be Mine but I’m Not Giving You any Hints
I've been doing some research this week in preparation for launching a new feature on the Connections For Women web site. We're planning, in conjunction with our experts, to offer on-line dating makeovers to members; a sort of coaching opportunity where we will review profiles, photos and goals. We'll encourage honesty and a clear vision of what the reader is after. And here's where my research has left me reeling. Over the past week I have read literally hundreds of profiles of both men and women 40 plus years old. I've been into the big sites and the boutique sites and I've come away rocked at the banality and obvious lack of thought that goes into marketing ones' self. Oh there are some good ones and they stand out big time but the dross that you have to wade through is extraordinary.

I'm not just talking about the clichéd 'likes walks on the beach' stuff but the dismissive, I'd say rude, biographies and statements that some people write. "Don't contact me if......" and a long list of what FoxyGal in Boston isn't looking for. Or BigAl in NM's insistence that "my lady be willing to be put on a pedestal". Come on people, get real. My absolute favorite “horror” that I came across in both men and women on one big box site was, “I’m not a paid member so can’t contact you but you can reach me at lonelyladintucsonathotmaildotcom …” That tells me someone is cheap and certainly not serious. My all time favorite typo was from a male who wrote "give me a chance and you'll find I'm not shellfish". Nor chopped liver we hope.

On-line dating IS socially acceptable - chances are you know more that one person in your work place or social group that has given it a try. Sons do it, daughters do it, ex-husbands do it even educated grandmas do it has achieved the status of the norm. Read the glitzy NYT wedding announcements and you'll find people who met through the internet – and if you are reading this there is real likelihood that you’ve either given it a try, are currently trying or are thinking about it.

We’ve posted several articles on internet dating, doos and dont's, honesty, first meetings and, we’ll continue on the subject because it is of interest to many of our readers. I’ve had reason lately to post a couple of un wanted house-hold items on Craig’s List and am convinced that people put more care into describing a table they are selling than they do in describing themselves. In discussing this with a friend we’ve concluded that we are a nation divided. We fall into the category of shy, modest people or flaming extroverts with little regard for the truth. Either that or we simply do not recognize that in going on line in search of a partner is no different than heading out for the kind of mixer we used to go to in the dark ages. Remember how you used to set your hair, take time over choosing what to wear and then repeatedly ask a friend “do I look ok in this. Is my hair too big ….” There was swirling in front of the mirror and even the fantasized meeting someone, “hello, I’m Jessica….” and the smile practiced in the mirror.

On-line shouldn’t be any different. You want to look your best, feel your best and put the real you out there. I had a lunch date with a much younger friend last week who wanted my help I writing an on-line version of herself. Lap top to hand, we looked at her original posting. The photo was a rather tacky looking glamor shot taken 5 years ago when her hair was blond and she’s had one to many margarita’s…she’s gone back to her natural light brown now. She’ got a unique hobby….she collects retablos but there was no mention of this interest that consumes a lot of her time and takes her to neat, out of the way places in the south west. Why not, I asked. “Well, people will think I’m weird”. Instead she lists skiing as a passion…she last hit the slopes when she chaperoned a school group some 7 or so years ago and I reminded her that she hated it. We’ve got work to do here. I suggested she throw in her hat with Connections For Women next month and follow the on-line dating makeover we’re offering.

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